The Alcohol Belief System

How I changed my mind about alcohol and shifted into a new reality.  

I used to think alcohol helped me feel like normal person.

I spent my whole life feeling like an alien in the world. An observer and student of people, but never one of them.  I witnessed as people conversed with ease while I stood frozen in fear with no words to express, only intense internal discomfort. 

I didn’t know why, 

When I discovered alcohol I thought I found the answer to all of my social problems. 

And it worked.  

For a while. 

Pre-funking became my way of life. Before any social interaction, I would need at least 2 drinks to feel at ease and because I was an “adult” I gave myself permission. 

I built my entire world around alcohol.

Joining the wine and spirits industry was a no-brainer.  The opportunity to day-drink with encouragement from my boss. How could I beat that?

It was a party selling alcohol with a buzz and making friends with my colleagues who liked to have fun too.  I could converse with ease, and perform karaoke like no other. 

I finally felt like I could relax.  I could be "normal" at least for a while. 

"We have two lives, and the second begins when

we realize we only have one."

Confucius

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Eventually it stopped being so much fun.

It turned into a routine habit that got me through the day. I cycled from caffeine in the AM to alcohol in the PM and repeated it every day. 

It wore me down, but I didn’t see it. I couldn’t.

At the same time I was spiraling into addiction I was also excelling at work.   

I was fully immersed in alcohol culture and a proud evangelist of the lifestyle. 

You couldn’t convince me to stop.  

Why would I?  

This was my answer for feeling normal remember?  

Then something shifted.

I saw a glimpse of my future.  A future with a drunk mom passed out on the couch while her daughter watched and learned what “normal” looked like.  I hated that image.  

I also hated how alcohol was making me feel;  anxious, stressed, overwhelmed and powerless to live my life untethered.  

I decided to focus on building a future free from alcohol. 

I quit drinking on September 1st, 2021.

Then life got much harder.

I didn’t have my go-to stress reliever to help me wind down the day. 

I was stuck.

Stuck with me and my thoughts.

The same thoughts that drove me find alcohol as my solution. 

I started feeling my feelings and I hated it.  I could no longer numb or suppress the discomfort inside of me.  The valve had been lifted and my tolerance for BS plummeted.

It wasn’t long before the shift in me was noticed by others.  It wasn’t always welcomed.

The same month I quit drinking, I was promoted to my dream job with a big raise. I had a built an image of a high-performer, innovator and all around rock star. 

Perfect timing I thought,

 just as I was untangling my personal life from alcohol my professional life was getting further entrenched in the industry.

I thought I could handle the split. After all, I had been studying people my whole life to feel normal.  I thought I could perform well enough, and mask my way to career success in an industry where I was no longer aligned. 

It didn’t work. 

I quit the alcohol industry in May of 2024.

A lot of things happened in between quitting alcohol and walking away from the industry, but I know now the separation was inevitable. 

Removing alcohol from life allowed me to see things more clearly. 

I took the beer goggles off.

I saw the systemic influences that create our shared beliefs

around alcohol and how it keeps us stuck in destructive patterns.

I could now see how my own beliefs drove me to choose alcohol over and over again even  though the results were getting worse. 

And I learned how connected it all was. 

I no longer resonated with energy of alcohol and I was finally ready to choose alignment over performance and flee the safety of the familiar.

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How I live now

I don’t seek perfection.  

I find flow.

I don’t perform for others. 

I serve my heart. 

I redirected the energy I was focusing on looking up for approval and validation and I started feeding myself first – one positive affirmation after another until it sunk into my DNA and I believed it. 

I look back on my alcohol experience with deep gratitude.  It taught me so much about myself and the world. 

The Unlearning Journey I’ve been on over the past few years has helped me remember who I really am.  Time may have cast a spell on me, but I never forgot.  

Now I share what I’ve learned because I have a responsibility to live in alignment and embody this truth: 

Our beliefs create our reality.

When we change our beliefs, we change reality.

Keep your love alive, ~ Diana @ Distillness